I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
