you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
