I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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