its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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