I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
