**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
