Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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