It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
North Korea, Best Korea!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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