y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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