I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
