I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
