I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
