I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
