we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
