He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
