I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
