i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
