I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
