The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
