i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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