Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
