wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
