Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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