she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
farters have to be the big spoon...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
