I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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