Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just want to make out with him forever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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