Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
