it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
