i think my tv is drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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