I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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