how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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