It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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