Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
