Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
