just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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