He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
