this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
