Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
