I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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