Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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