Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
