are you so shy because you have an std?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
