i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
