I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
