its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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