dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
