Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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