This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
