I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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