everyone is single if you try hard enough
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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