There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
