The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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