The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
operation have a gay friend backfired
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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