Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
