He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
