More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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