Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
